Husbands and their dumb toys

So for all the wives who's husbands decide they need a new toy! So like this weekend my husband and I go to Springfield, Mo which is like a two hour drive from our house, and we go with my husbands best friend and his wife just happens to be my best friend. Anywho, so we go to this big ass swap meet and its for racing or some shit and we walk 6,525 miles at this stupid thing the first night, we are beat so we think maybe we will save a little money and go to one of those "mom and pop" motels....ummm really fucking stupid! So we check-in and immediately I suspect we should have spent the exta 10 bucks on an upgrade! It looks like one of those rooms out of the horror movies...bad carpet from the '70s, a hole cut in the wall for the AC, missing remote... you get the idea.
So we spend the night in the slasher motel and get up bright and fucking early to drop the husbands off at the swap meet... do a little shopping, ok whatever a lot of shopping (stop judging me) and decide to go see what the hell the men folk were up too.
Ummm oh ya on the way back there was a minor accident and when I say minor I mean gigantic.... as my BFF and I were on our way back to the swap meet we may have been jammin out to the likes of AC/DC "Back in Black" and as we round a corner in their $50,000 truck that has those child baring hips for fenders, I spill a 44oz. cup of Dr. Pepper all over me, the truck, and my purse as I'm answering the phone and jammin out!! I know it's pretty fucking amazing how I'm a muti-tasker! So we get to the swap meet I jump out and change my jeans.... along side the road...SWEET I know!
So moving on......we enter the swap meet, walk an additional 3,259 miles trying to find our husbands among the two million swappers, swappers of junk that is... get your mind out of the gutter! So my husband notices the new shoes I have on and begins to bitch about how he needs a new pair of boots and blah blah blah! In the same breath he tells me oh ya I bought a new motorcycle....WHAT THE FUCK!!
Ya it's pretty sweet he tells me, its a 1984 Honda Nighthawk and I got a good deal only $900.... ya that's cheaper than a new pair of boots.... ummm, ya the bike is a year younger than me!
So we get it home and he begs me to go for a ride.... with a helmet of course (Missouri state law.... and I'm no law breaker) and for some unknown reason the only helmet that would fit me is a dirt bike helmet.... note the pic. So he takes me for a ride on this sweet bike... that my ass is eating the convenient little seat that Honda decided was large enough for an adult the size of an 6 year old. So, I get the skinny on motorcycle do's and dont's and we go about our way.... until I realize that maybe you shouldn't use a dirt bike helmet on a motorcycle...notice the fucking awesome shelf thing at the top of the helmet... ya it catches the wind and throws your head back as if to snap your neck...
Moral of the story.... I'm really not sure, but I do know this..... don't wear a dirt bike helmet while riding a motorcycle going at speeds of 65 or higher.... I almost died from this! There should be like some kind of warning label.... AHH HA! I will make some and mass produce them to fucking IDIOTS like me!!